Lost and Found

What was the last thing you lost? Did you find it? Have you ever gotten lost? Did you ask for help?

Loss can have a major effect on us. Over the course of my marriage I lost many things. Cars that didn’t last, belongings left in places I moved out of, keepsakes that can never be replaced. It does me no good to hold a grudge against the Ex over those losses. Mistakes were made on both sides in that relationship. I’m trying to let go of that and not repeat those mistakes. When the relationship fell apart, I felt like I had lost my best friend. I lost the companionship, the closeness we shared, all the emotion that had been put into the relationship was lost. I lost the will to write because of that pain. Even journalling took an effort I didn’t want to expend.

Once I stopped clinging to the shredded remains of my heart, I found that my heart was still beating. I found that although I was still missing things about that relationship, the Ex was not one of those things. I found that what I thought I had was not what I was really looking for to begin with. I also found that I was not who I thought I was. My true self was inside all along, waiting for me to rediscover it.

Sometimes we need a little help, some directions to help us find our way. My aunt has helped me find my path out of my emotional labyrinth. I have seen myself through her eyes. The real me is clawing her way to the surface and breathing fresh air for the first time in years. I’ve had help from others, also. Friends that have been supportive and offered directions, a few who have shone a light on the fact that I am alive and well without the Ex. I have found new friends that love me as I am, funny and sexy and quirky as that is. I’ve found that I don’t have to have those ‘things’ to be happy. I don’t have to carry around someone else’s baggage to be happy.

I still miss some things, someone to whisper to at the movies, a hand to hold on a slow walk in the park, the touch of lips on my skin. But I know those things are possible. A good friend showed me that I won’t be alone forever. I hope to help my friends find the same possibilities. Some things are better off staying lost. There is usually something better waiting to be found.

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