I can usually tell when I’ve gone too long without meditating. I get irritable, moody. Little things irritate me more quickly than usual.
For me, meditating helps relieve stress, helps me focus, helps me deal with a lot of issues. It gives me a chance to concentrate on a particular issue, or on nothing at all. Meditating is a lot like praying. You close your eyes, ask for guidance and have a little faith.
I learned to meditate after the loss of my mother and grandmother to a car accident. It was the only thing that kept me sane. It helped me deal with the grief, the anger, and helped me see things I hadn’t seen before. I’ve meditated a good bit since the demise of my marriage. Probably not as much as I should have considering my mood of late. It’s safe to say I’m still grieving for what I thought I had.
I haven’t meditated much lately for several reasons. Even though each one would be valid, they still sound like excuses. I need to meditate so I can deal with the last of the baggage from the Ex. I haven’t let go completely. I’ve not let go because I don’t have the answer to a question. The issues on both sides cancel each other out but they still don’t answer that one question. I will probably never hear an answer to that question. And I have to learn to live with that. It’s just another piece of baggage that needs to be taken to the curb with the trash.
I know I can not take responsibility for the Ex’s actions. I did not make the choices that led me to my aunt’s doorstep a year ago. What I can own up to are the choices I’ve made since then.
I choose to live my life the way I want. I choose to let people get close or not. I choose to let the real me shine through. This is my life. I will have faith in myself to be strong enough to live it.