Benchmark

Despite the many times I’ve checked the calendar this week, it dawned on me tonight that this week marks two years since the demise of my marriage. Am I reminiscing? Missing the ex? Oh but Hell no!

What I am doing is evaluating where I am today versus then. I still want to change some things. I still have a very low tolerance for bullshit and people who can’t screw up the courage to fix their own issues. I still need to meditate more and practice self-control and patience. But overall, I am truly happier now than I have ever been in my entire life.

I’m making progress. One big difference from two years ago is that I recognize the changes as they happen. It’s pretty cool. I’m expanding my tastes in music and food. While I still don’t like eating alone, it doesn’t depress me like it used to. Instead of waging war on my body, we have a truce and agree to compromise. I’m no longer afraid of what other people think. I’m not nervous about being seen naked anymore. Good thing since I have a new lover. I have perseverance, drive, goals. I can defend myself, question myself, supply all the things I need myself.

I’m still learning to live out loud, but I gain ground everyday. I’ve accomplished things I once thought impossible. Now my focus is on finding the things I want: my new lover, my next royalty check, the next set of stories I want to write, rekindling my love for my day job . It will be interesting to see where I am two years from now….