Unless you have a conjoined twin, there is not another person you can’t live without. We are all somewhat capable of feeding, dressing, housing and entertaining ourselves. So what attracts us to certain types of people? Let’s revisit my friend Judy, the Enabler….
What attracts her to married men? What is it she’s looking for? She wants companionship and friendship without all the trappings. She likes having the whole bed to herself, having no one to answer to, living life on her own terms. She doesn’t need a man to take care of her, but she does like some attention from time to time. The few men she’s been involved with have been her own enablers.
For Judy, a married man is dangerous,exciting, convenient. The threat of being caught adds to the tension. You might think the man’s schedule would dictate the whens and wheres. But Judy controls that. If she wants to go away with him for the weekend she can. If she wants to walk away from him she can. There is no obligation beyond not telling.
Sometimes Judy is attracted to a married man because he fits her familiar routine. but sometimes it’s simply because they enable her to live her life the way she wants. It’s not out of some sense of vengence for being cheated on, it’s simply convenience.
If you believe in Karma you have no use for revenge. Whomever cheated on you or hurt you will get their comeuppance. Revenge is a waste of energy you could be using to carry your baggage to the curb and take a step outside of your comfort zone.
So what should I tell Judy? Yes, my opinion is important t her, evidenced by our many late-night conversations and this very trusting statement: Use me as an example for your blog. But I’m not her momma. I don’t necessarily agree with it but I understand why she does it. She doesn’t have to answer to me.
What I want to tell her is not to fear finding that excitement with a man who may be available for more. Look for a man who can give her the companionship she wants while giving her the space she needs. The important thing is to be honest with herself and be happy with who she is. Many situations can offer the excitement she looks for.