The Day After….

Yes, it’s the day after Christmas and the Jolly Fatman did in fact appear in my kitchen.  This is my adorable redneck of a brother in a Santa suit.  He played Santa for an assisted living facility this year at the pleading of our aunt who runs the place.

This photo has freaked a few of my family members almost as much as Santa freaked out my aunt in person.  You see, my father always played Santa for my aunt’s facility before he got too sick.  We grew up with our father being Santa for many years.  He did it for the joy of seeing a child’s face light up.  He was always willing to help give a child that special Christmas memory of seeing Santa themselves.

I was very surprised to hear that my brother had agreed to be Santa this year.  He scares grown adults walking through the grocery store with his shaved head and earrings and tattoos showing most all of his exposed skin.  He just looks like he should be riding a Harley.  I love my brother dearly and he’ll kill me for saying this.  Francis is a big sweetheart.  He’s shy sometimes and silly.  He cleans house on his days off and likes to cook.  He also likes to build things, and more so here recently, he likes to make people happy.

Francis is a lot like our dad.  We both look like him, but I think Francis acts more like Dad than I do.  Of course he does have Mom’s temper sometimes.  But that’s okay.  I think he got the best parts of Dad in his genetics.  He was so anxious for me to open my Christmas presents from him this year.  He teased me for several days prior about making me wait.  But you could see the excitement in his eyes.

It was nice to have him so happy for the holidays this year.  We lost Mom in 2002 and Dad in 2007.  It’s been a while since we were happy at Christmas.  Francis was the first one up Christmas morning.  He has come a long way in his 32 years and I am very proud of him.  I love you, Baby Brother.

My brother, Francis

Let’s Talk About …..

Do you remember Salt n Pepa?  Then you know what I’m about to talk about.  Don’t get too excited.  I’m not getting graphic and this is not my erotica blog.  I do want to bring up an issue that I’ve mentioned before.

Let me give you a brief scenario: Boy meets Girl, Boy & Girl get to know each other, Boy & Girl have sex.  Somewhere in between there Boy meets another Girl.  Boy decides he wants to get to know Girl #2 a lot better.  Conflict: Girl #1 is supposed to come over for a play date.

Keep in mind that “boy” and “girl” are merely gender specifications, all parties involved are adults and definitely old enough to have some common sense.  There have been no commitments made between anyone.  And up until the play date Boy has acted like he had manners and some decency.  Here’s where the train derails…

Boy sends Girl #1 a text that he wants to see Girl #2 and is not available anymore.  Now pay attention:  he sends this text AFTER the play date.  Whether it’s been 9 months since you last had sex, or 9 hours, it is totally WRONG to use Girl #1 for play time if you are so into Girl #2 that you want to see her exclusively.

I don’t think of myself as old fashioned and I am entirely too picky about who I share my body with to be easy.  But it is simply wrong to use another person that way.  Whether you do it out of convenience, lack of morals, because you’re a gutless wonder, or whatever.  It’s very immature and shows that you have no idea how to maintain a relationship once things progress beyond convenience.

Convenience is not a good reason to have sex.  Let me quote a previous blog post, “No is just a dirty word, never gonna say it first”:

Few people are truly honest with themselves.  We are excellent at lying to ourselves and putting up our own obstacles.  Does that give us the right to take advantage of someone who’s honest enough, open enough, strong enough to know who they are and what they want? No!  Does that mean that I will settle for someone who’s convenient instead of waiting and searching for the one that is as honest, open and strong as I am? No!

I tend to think that sex is like oxygen.  You don’t really think about it until you aren’t getting enough.  But if you are going to blow off someone to see someone else, do it without a “this may be the last piece of ass I get in a while” fuck.  The man or woman who does that must not have a lot of respect for themselves if they are willing to show so little respect for someone they are intimate with.

Sex is not the most important part of a relationship, but it is important.  No matter how new or how intense or how close the relationship, show respect for yourself and for the other person.  You will never find what you are looking for if you take advantage of something you’ve already found in order to get to it.



Who controls your limits?  Do you? Your significant other?  Some outside force?  Do you know what your limits are?  How do you know? Did you test them?  Do you push your limits on a regular basis?  Does someone else push you?

Your answers to those questions, if you really answered honestly,  may have surprised you.  Most people do not really know their own limits.  We stay in our safe little bubbles and never step out of that comfort zone.  You have to experience new things in order to test your boundaries.

How far are you willing to go?  Will you take that step by yourself?  Or do you need someone to hold your hand?  Have you experienced anything that forced you to consider that question?

Facing our fears is hard.  Our parents teach us to fear some things.  Don’t talk to strangers.  Don’t touch a hot stove.  Don’t approach strange dogs on the street.  We learn fear from other people, from what we see, what we experience.  But does it teach us to confront that fear?

When the blonde in the movies runs and trips we know she’s going to die.  It doesn’t always work like that in real life.  We rarely know when that moment is going to happen.  Most of us don’t do anything to be put in that position to begin with.

We all say we know what our reaction would be, how we would act in a given situation.  But you don’t really know until you have been put in that position.  So you have to step out of your own shadow to find that limit.  The question is… Will you?