Truth or Consequences

Just so you know, this post is related to the previous one.  Last blog I was talking about how well can you know someone from the other side of this computer screen.  Let me start this post with a question:  how honest are you with the people you talk to online?

I try to be honest and upfront in every thing I do, even when I’m online.  What is the point in lying?  Especially if I’m talking to someone I might meet in person.  If I lie to them about something and then we meet in person, eventually the truth will come out.

FYI, I ask a lot more than 20 questions because most people will trip up at some point if they are lying to me.  And a lie of omission is still a lie.  What good does it do to hide the truth?  I’ve encountered a lot of people online.  A few things people have hidden or just not been open about: they’re married, swingers, a different race, disabled, unemployed, still live with their parents.

Are any of these things “deal breakers?”  No.  Are any of these things reasons for me not to speak to someone?  No.  Any one of those things may mean I act differently when I talk to someone.  I may not flirt as much or at all if I know you’re married.  I’m not going to talk about what I just bought at the book store if I know you’re unemployed.  I won’t talk about meeting at your place for a play date if you live with your parents. But none of these things are anything to lie about.

Okay, we’ve looked at the truth.  How about the consequences?  What happens if you don’t tell people the truth?  Depends on who you’re talking to. Embarrassment, loss of a new friend, a slap in the face, firing if it involves your work.  Most times, the truth will come out.  If you’re having a conversation with someone and they ask something that makes you feel like you need to avoid them for a while…….

What is it you’re hiding that makes you uncomfortable? What did you say that wasn’t the whole truth?  Why do you feel the need to hide it to begin with?  Honesty really is the best policy.  You cannot build any kind of trust or any type of relationship without being honest from the beginning.

I would much rather hear the truth even if it’s something I may not like or that may hurt.  Hiding the truth, your true feelings, something that happens, will not make it any easier to deal with.  It’s actually more trouble to deal with once it comes to light.  Be open about it from the start and move forward knowing you are not starting things with a lie.

You cannot live life afraid to speak or see your own truth.  If you have kept something from someone, come clean about it.  Don’t create baggage where there is no need for it.



picture perfect

What do I look like?  Do you have any clue?  Ever seen a picture of me, seen me on webcam, or cruised through the pics on my Facebook or MySpace pages?  If you only know me from this blog it’s possible you have no idea what I look like.

That’s one of the pitfalls and joys of this cyber life we live.  The internet lets us shrink the planet and have “friends” all over the world.  But unless you can afford to drive cross-country or take a plane somewhere, what are the odds of actually meeting these people?

Don’t get me wrong.  I love my internet friends.  I could  see most of the contiguous 48 states and at least three other countries if I took a road trip to find and meet them all.  It would be one helluva fun trip.  But, alas, it’s not very feasible for me to travel to meet everyone.  At least not all at once.

So how do you know who you’re talking to?  The truth of it is, you don’t.  I could be anything at all on my side of this screen.  Short, tall, blonde, bald, warted, purple, anorexic, 600 pounds, tattooed, pale, color blind, prosthetic leg, brunette, pudgy, male…. Do you get the point?  It’s hard to know someone without meeting them in person.

That brings the next question:  how do you build trust over the internet?  It takes time, yes.  And lots of conversations.  Not just emails, but conversations on a messenger site or in a chat room.  You have to ask a lot of questions and give a lot of answers.  I call it 20 Questions even though I usually ask more like 100 or so.  But I do afford most people the benefit of the doubt that they are going to answer honestly.

I’ve said before that you can ask me anything.  But you have to be willing to answer the same questions yourself.  That means you have to be sure you’re ready to answer before you ask me.  I’ve been called The Queen of Brutally Honest.  It’s true.  I want to know how people tick and how they make decisions and why they do some of the things they do.  I won’t ask you a question I’m not willing to answer.  Chances are that I’ve already asked myself the question so I can find out what my answer will be.

Just for the record I am female, short, overweight like most of the nation, brunette, hazel eyes, with some tan left from this past summer.  If you ask me I’ll tell you that I’m happily divorced, looking to meet new friends, hoping to find a new relationship of the romantic variety.

If we’ve talked online more than a couple of times then I have at least interest in you as a friend, possibly more.  By the time we’ve talked a few times each week for a month, I would hope we would be starting to know each other better and have a certain amount of trust between us.  Maybe we’ve traded pictures of each other, a major feat if you have some of my pics.

After 2 or 3 months we should be pretty good friends.  Trust should be automatic.  Even online.  I have made a few romantic connections on the internet, met in person.  The few I met a second time are now good friends.  I think it is possible to find a partner online and to have a healthy relationship.  But it takes a lot of communication on both sides of the screen.

At the very least be trusting enough after a month or so of conversation to tell me your last name.  I’m not a stalker.  To be honest, I don’t have the time to be a stalker even if I was so inclined.  I think it would be much more fun to get to know you, plan a meeting for coffee maybe.

So the last question for now:  how much do you trust me?


Shades of Gray

I’ve been playing around with a few new story ideas.  A writer pal of mine is taking submissions for a new anthology and I’m considering submitting a story but I haven’t written in that genre before.  He’s a horror writer and the anthology is about monsters.  I’m not unfamiliar with monsters.  But I have a dilemma of sorts.

To date, I don’t do scary, gory, or horror.  I’m not sure I have a dark side that’s dark enough to tap into.  I’ve never been one to be intentionally cruel or vindictive and I tend to stay away from people who are.  My path of self-discovery has most definitely brought me further into the light.  So I’m now having to ask myself:  where is my negative, my darkness?

Can I look into the shadows and find a monster I can look at and not run away from?  Is there a monster in my mirror?  Do I look outside myself for that monster?  If so how do I look into the abyss and not get pulled in?  How do I keep myself grounded in the light and draw the monsters out of the darkness?

I have a pretty active imagination.  If you’ve ever read my other blog, the one my “evil twin” writes, you know I tend to lean toward the erotic more than the darkness.  I don’t have a problem creating bad guys in my stories.  The problem lies in making them bad enough, evil enough, dark enough.  How do I find that darkness?  Perhaps I’ll follow the trail of cookies…

What to do…

I am in a funk today.  Too many options of things to fill my time.  So naturally I’m not accomplishing anything.  I have several craft projects to finish.  My last jigsaw puzzle is already glued and waiting a frame.  I had hoped it would help me calm the voices and focus.  No joy.

Sometimes I wonder if I have ADD.  I used to be able to sit and read for hours.  My mother would call me anti-social because I always had my nose stuck in a book.  I have about a dozen books, both new and classics, on my e-reader waiting for me to dive in.  But I also have story ideas fighting for attention.

Characters are chattering in my head, whispering What If’s in my ear.  There’s so many of them I’m not sure where to start.  Maybe I should work on my crochet and try to settle all the voices down to see who rises to the top.  If nothing else I might get closer to finishing a few pieces.

Even my to-do list is looking slim.  I’m sure I could find a few things to put on it.  But I already know which projects I need to work on.  I still have some music to upload to my computer.  That’s more busy work than an actual accomplishment.  Then again, music therapy might be just what the doctor ordered.

What about you?  How do you decide on what to do? Do you have a to-do list?  Are you zeroed in on a particular goal?  Or do you blame it on the ADD?


Play Time

It’s Friday! Yay!

Pardon me for a minute but I just need to clear my head.  I got to make a to-do list, a shopping list, grocery list.  I have multiple craft projects to finish as well as finish putting away all the stuff I sorted out when I cleaned out closets & dressers.  Plus paperwork, take out the trash & pick up cigarettes for my brother.  But is that what I’m doing?  Nooooooo….

I have a new program, CeltX.  It does documents, screenplays, videos, comic books.  I’m hoping to figure it out and use it for my novella.  I want to see how it reads as a screenplay.  The novella is currently in it’s fourth incarnation.

When I write stories, I see them play out in my head.  That’s the only reason I do what outlining I do, so I get the film running.  When the pictures stop playing, I know I’ve got a problem somewhere.  The storyline for my novella is complete.  I just need to tweak it a bit.  Hoping the screenplay writing process will help me find any areas that need tweaking.

So I’m going to try and get my lists done before lunch.  Then probably play until my brother finishes pretending he’s the cook on a fish boat.  Shrimp sounds good…

New year, new opportunities

Yay, this is the first post of 2012.  Yeah I’m trying to get off to a good start.  The theory is that what you do when you ring in the new year is what you’ll do all year long.  That works.  I was with family and friends having a good time.

I’ve already started my spring cleaning.  Closets, dresser drawers, under the bed~ everything is fair game.  Trying to streamline my surroundings as well as myself.  I bought myself a gym membership for Christmas.

I’m not making resolutions this year exactly.  Resolutions have a tendency not to get accomplished.  I am setting goals for this year.  You are all welcome to harass me into making sure I accomplish those goals.

My writing goal is to have one piece ready and submit it somewhere each month.  I will never get my words out in the world unless I kick them out the door.  I’m also hoping to turn the novella I’ve been working on into a screenplay.  And yes, I plan to blog a lot more often, both here and at my erotica blog.

Health wise, the goal is to get my money’s worth out of my gym membership.  I’ve finally reached a point where I am happy with my curves.  I do need to get a little more streamlined to achieve the shape I want.  It’s not easy to look like a pin-up model, but I’m gonna give my best shot.  There are a lot of smaller goals in between now and my ultimate goal.  But I know they are all achievable.  I’m thinking some professional photos once I reach that one. 

I have spent a lot of time since the split with my ex redefining who I am.  I’ve gotten the inside figured out.  Now it’s time to stop procrastinating and get the outside redefined as well.  Those of you who know me personally, know I’m no Barbie.  She may have everything but I would hate to pay her property tax on all that crap.  I just want to get back to my fighting weight.

For the most part I am financially stable.  I can keep my bills paid each month.  However, I am still living with relatives.  There’s nothing wrong with that, but I do want a place of my own.  Not going to happen yet.  But that is the next thing I’m hoping to accomplish.

I’m a strong believer in the concept that things happen when they are supposed to.  When I’m meant to be on my own, circumstances will arrange themselves so that it happens.  I’m good where I am until then, surrounded by people I love.

So let’s toast to a brand new year full of possibilities!  I hope your New Year rocks!