Ripples on a pond, Revisit

How high is your tolerance?  For what, you ask? Pick something.

Lately I have had a very low tolerance for bullshit.  I don’t have time to spoon feed advice to people and sugarcoat it.  If you ask me for advice I’ll help in whatever way I can.  But don’t call me just to whine and expect me to be supportive of your bad behavior.  And don’t get pissed off when I call you on it.  Because I will, and you won’t like it.

I guess tough love would be appropriate for my response to things lately.  There are times where you do need to be gentler and build people up so they can find their own strength.  But how long do you do that?  How long do you let someone keep pretending that they are trying to help themselves when all they are doing is lying to themselves and to you?

A friend got pissed off at me recently because I was not willing to listen to him whine.  He has bad luck with women.  Poor thing.  He self medicates with shots of tequila.  And a glass of wine with dinner.  And a beer or two at lunch.  The phone call in question he was taking cold medicine and admitted he had drunk more than usual that day.

At that point in the conversation, the kid gloves come off and I break out the brass knuckles.  Knowing you have a problem and not being willing to take the steps to fix it are the definition of stupidity and laziness.  Do not expect me to be forgiving and supportive when you are still poisoning your body and mind.

Yes, I am talking to someone specific and he probably won’t read this because he’s still mad at me.  Too bad, so sad.  Go cry to somebody else.  I will not lie to my friends when they are being stupid.  I will not lie to them just because they want someone to feel sorry for them.  If you are not happy with who you are and where your life is going, then get up and do something about it.  If you don’t think you can do it yourself, then go find some help.  And if the first try is not successful, guess what?  Try somewhere else!

People keep crossing my path who are broken is some way.  Okay, I get it.  I’m supposed to learn something from helping them.  That’s usually how it works.  In the process of helping someone else discover how to deal with their demons I learn something about myself and how to deal with my own.  Groovy.  I’m good with that.  Really.

But I have to wonder why so many people can’t figure out how this works.  When you drop a stone in a pond you make a ripple.  That ripple will move away, grow, maybe change in some way, and then come back to you.  Ten times out of ten what you send out comes back to you.  If you project negativity, you will get negativity back.  If you project positive energy, you get back positive energy.  It’s really that simple.  So why do so many people not get it?????

It’s been a week since my friend hung up on me.  And I can say that I have learned quite a bit because that used to be the quickest way to make me angry enough to rip your head off.  When he hung up on me last week I just laughed.  Laughed at how sad it was that he thought I was being mean to him when I told him to take his ass to an AA meeting.  Yes, I laughed out loud.  A year ago I would have blown his phone up with text messages about how much of an ass he was.

Perhaps that’s the lesson I was supposed to learn.  I had to see that I have changed even more over the last year or so.  It might not be a good thing though for my tolerance for bullshit to be as low as it is right now.  Although I did catch myself not running down another friend recently for some bullshit she did.  Learning to pick your fights is important.

I wrote a blog by this same title almost 4 years ago.  I was still discovering who I was in so many ways.  I know myself much better now, but I’m still growing and changing.  Somehow I don’t see my tolerance for bullshit easing up any time soon….


2 thoughts on “Ripples on a pond, Revisit”

  1. You were right in telling it like it is to your friend. A true friend keeps you from jumping from a bridge and that is what you were trying to do. He knew you spoke the truth, couldn’t face it and instead of getting mad at himself, got mad with you. But you were being a true friend and he’ll see it, eventually.

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