Mediocre Expectations

Do you have an ex? More than one?  Do you find that you are attracted to people similar to your exes? There is a reason for that.

We are drawn to what we are familiar with.  Once a pattern of behavior has been established we expect everyone and everything we encounter after that point to follow the pattern.  And when we find something that diverges from it we’re not sure what to do with it.

People as a group do not take well to change.  Not in our personal interactions.  We prefer people stay predictable so we know how to respond when things happen.  Even if we frequently bitch about the way people behave we expect that behavior from everyone.

But what if someone doesn’t fit that mold?  With a population as high as it is today, is it realistic to expect “everybody” to behave the way your ex did?  Not really.  It’s basically a case of not letting a couple of bad apples spoil the whole barrel.

We have all had a bad relationship, maybe more than one.  But that doesn’t mean there are not people out there who genuinely care about each other and show it without being prodded to do so.

I posted a video today on my Facebook page of a marriage proposal.  Most of them lately are really cheesy but this one was pretty good.  The guy had his entire family and many friends involved, about 60 people.  It was awesome.

A friend of mine commented that now the guy will have to be over-the-top with whatever else he does in the relationship or the bride will bitch about it.  Why?  Why can’t two people be in love and stay in love with each other?

Showing your partner you love them shouldn’t be a chore.  And neither person should feel like they have to perform a song-&-dance to show their love.  Be honest and open.  Show and say how you feel.

Both men and women need positive feedback.  Just like teaching a child something new, positive feedback (a.k.a positive reinforcement) will help much more than anything negative.  But you have to start off being positive.

If you keep waiting for the other shoe to drop you just may bring it on.  Don’t look for a problem where there isn’t one.  Be consistent and honest.  I can’t stress that enough.  Let me say it again.  BE CONSISTENT AND HONEST.

I’ve said before that we are experts at lying to ourselves.  You have to be honest with yourself about your relationships.  What is it that goes wrong?  Do you pick the wrong person to start with?  Too many points of disagreement from the start that are compounded once the relationship gets serious?  Does something change further into it?  Who changes?  Why?

These are not easy questions.  But anything worth having is worth working to make it good.  Look back at your past experiences with open eyes and ask these questions.  You might surprise yourself with the answers you find.

Look at your current relationships, too.  Are behaviors predictable?  Do you complain about the same things you have in the past?  Do you like feeling that way?  If not then you need to make a change.  Only you can keep yourself miserable.

If you expect mediocrity that’s what you’ll find.  If you choose to stay miserable then you’ll be miserable.  Being happy is ALL about the choices we make.  So what do you want to be today?

 

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