Who’s at the door?


How easily do you make friends?  Not just an acquaintance, but a friend.  How long do you need to know someone before you call them a friend?  How well do you need to know them? 

There are as many variables to answering those questions as there are people on the planet.  Upbringing, where you live, religion, occupation, the amount of evil you’ve encountered in the world, past relationships… These are just scratching the surface.  One thing they all have in common is trust.

How easy is it for you to trust someone?  Do you trust yourself?  Trusting ourselves is the hardest thing to do, harder even than loving ourselves.  No matter how well-adjusted we think we are, every decision we’ve ever made is sitting in the back of our minds just waiting to remind us of making a bad choice.  But it’s okay to make bad choices.  That’s how we learn to make the right ones.  The trick is to forgive yourself for making a bad choice.

Another thing to keep in mind is that we are not always in control of how we choose.  Extenuating circumstances do exist, especially when we’re younger.  Children have limited experience based on what’s in their immediate surroundings.  In most cases, children have very little say in the choices made.

I’ve mentioned before that I was attacked when I was younger.  Regardless to the type of abuse or the age of those involved, when that happens your choice is taken away from you.  You cannot carry around guilt or shame for anything that was done to you when you were a child.  I still have moments where I’m not comfortable around certain people.  But I know it was not my fault.  And I will not live in fear of a “what if.”

Those situations make it nearly impossible to trust anyone.  But it can be done if you keep your mind and your heart open.  You can’t close yourself off or you will dry up and die on the inside.

Our relationships affect how we trust.  Ever had a bad break-up?  Have you taken a close look at what happened?  Even over short periods of time, people change.  Sometimes we grow apart, or our likes and dislikes didn’t mesh well, or… Oh hell, you know as well as I do that list could go on forever.

The point is that we all get hurt at some point.  What do you do when it happens?  Do you close yourself off?  Lock the door tight against anyone else who might possibly dare to want to know you?  Is that really fair to yourself?

Not every person is alike.  I’m fond of saying that I’m brutally honest.  And I am.  Don’t ask me a question unless you really want an answer.  And I am as honest with myself as I am with everyone around me.  I thought the world would end when the ex left me.  But it didn’t.  I won’t let that experience ruin the possibility of meeting someone who might love as strongly as I do.

I picked myself up, dusted myself off, and flung the door wide open.  It wasn’t something that happened instantly.  If you read back through some of my older blogs you’ll see that it was a progression.  I used my blog to be brutally honest with myself, to hone that edge.  And I use it to break through locks and doors that I put in my way.

Yes, I admit, sometimes I use it to break down other people’s doors.  I can’t help myself.  I have to remind myself quite often that not everyone is ready for the door to open.  So, sometimes I knock.  Other times I knock really hard.  People cross our path for a reason.  We may never know why, but I believe it for a fact.  Don’t give me a little detail and then not expand on it.  I will knock on that door until it opens or breaks down in front of me.

When I meet someone new, I usually know pretty quick if they are someone I want to know better.  Unless they have a damn good reason not to be friendly, I will knock and knock until they open up.  Sometimes I find out something new about myself.  Sometimes I learn a new way of helping people around me.  And sometimes I find a person that is so beautiful on the inside, but they don’t see it for themselves.

We all have damage in our past.  If it doesn’t do anything for your present, don’t carry it into your future.  Leave it at the door.  I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, When one door closes another door opens.  When you hear someone knocking, take a peek.  It may be yourself you see on the other side.


Calculated Risks

A girl can’t be too careful these days.  If you spend much time online you know what I mean.  Almost every day you hear a news story about someone who’s been scammed or kidnapped or murdered by someone they met online.  There are many perils to online dating and chatting.

Chatrooms are not much good for a conversation unless you want to discuss which porn star you’re wanting to impersonate.  I’ve been hit on by married men, guys with girlfriends who like to share, guys who keep in touch with former lovers just in case we don’t work out.  I’ve found a  few who are adamant about being single but they are only online at certain times, like when they’re at work.  And let’s not forget the one who is so afraid of cyber stalking that he won’t even make up a last name.  Of course, that doesn’t stop him from offering to turn on his cam and show me how much he enjoys my erotica blog.

I think I’m a fairly trusting person.  Until you do something that resembles suspicious behavior.  If we’ve only chatted online and you’re only on during business hours during the week, I can’t help but question if you’re actually single.  Kind of hard to chat when the girlfriend or wife is home.  Or do you still live in your mom’s basement?

Anything is possible.  You might actually be telling me the truth and you are single, never married, no kids, with your own house and you just keep really odd hours.  Just don’t get your boxers in a wad when I have enough of a sense of self-preservation to ask about your odd hours.

I’ve been attacked before, been lied to, been used as a convenience.  I sure as hell will not blindly walk into any of those situations again.  Does that make me sound bitchy?  Untrusting?  I prefer to think of it as not being gullible and naive.

I’m not looking for a little boy who wants to play head games.  I know who I am and what I want and I’m not afraid to speak up.  I want a man who can do the same.