I’m tickled fuscia to have Neeta Lyffe on the blog today. As you know she is
the nation’s leading expert on zombie extermination. Our readers have sent in their must-know questions and we have the top nine questions for Neeta right now.
BB: How did you like the convention in San Francisco?
NL: I would have enjoyed it a lot better if the zombies hadn’t picked that weekend to invade the Bay Area, that’s for certain. However, the lecture on finding a cure for zombie-ism was fascinating and useful, and of course, the expo floor was top-notch, as usual. I ended up spending a little more than I anticipated, but I’m very glad for the new monofilament swords and the helmets.
BB: Are the zombies any different in San Francisco?
NL: These ones certainly were, in that most came from the GiveBack Memorial Gardens and Fish Preserve, so they were waterlogged, partly eaten (or inhabited) by sea life, and many had weights implanted in their posteriors. They were probably the grossest undead I’ve ever encountered, and I had had over 40 rekills to my name at that time.
BB: What’s your favorite weapon?
NL: Well, it used to be the chainsaw, but I’m becoming very fond of the monofilament sword. They’re don’t splatter as much and are easier to handle.
BB: Are the rumors of a romance with Ted true?
NL: We’re engaged, but we haven’t set the date yet.
BB: How do you balance exterminating zombies and romance?
NL: Ted makes it easy. He knows how to find joy in the most stressful or disgusting aspects of the work. Not to mention, he thinks I’m hot when I’m dressed in a rubber HazMat suit and wielding a bloody chainsaw. How many women can say that about their fiancés?
BB: Is it possible to have a relationship with a zombie?
NL: Of course not. Zombies are simply dead flesh that has been reanimated by some process we don’t understand yet. They may walk, eat, and retain certain habits, but there is no sentience, no intelligence, and no soul.
BB: What’s in store for us on the next season of Zombie Death Extreme? Any spoilers?
NL: It’s taking place in Jamaica this year, so I don’t have any connection to it. I’m glad about that, frankly; one season was enough for me.
BB: Who has been your favorite contestant so far?
NL: From ZDE-Bayou, you mean? Juliet Montigue has a level head and a lot of drive. She may not have been as intelligent as some of the other candidates, but she has common sense and was willing to work to make up for her deficiencies. Even though she didn’t win, I hear she’s doing very well for herself in Minnesota as an exterminator.
BB: Anything else you’d like to tell our readers?
NL: Despite what you see on TV or read about re-killing zombies, it is extremely dangerous. Even if you avoid being bitten, zombie-ism is spread by bodily fluids, so you can become just as infected by splatter. Remember—Distract, Run, and call 9-1-1. You can learn more about my extermination business and about the show Zombie Death Extreme at http://zombiedeathextreme.com
There you have it, Folks. Remember to call an expert when zombies attack. Call Neeta Lyffe.