I am pleased to introduce today the only practicing dragon private investigator in the United States. Vern, Dragon P.I. is here to discuss forensics in both our mundane world and the Faerie world. Vern works with his partner, Sister Grace in Karina Fabian’s magical universe. Vern’s investigative skills are currently being tested in Greater Treasures, now available for Kindle and on Amazon.
By Vern the Dragon PI
I’m Vern, I’m a dragon, and I work as a private investigator in your world. Yes, a for-real dragon, no animatronics involved, and please don’t ask if I eat virgins or blame me for your missing cat. Becca asked that I discus the difference between investigations in the Faerie Realm and here in the Mundane. (Don’t complain to me about the names for the two dimensions. I didn’t make them up.)
The fact of the matter is, since we don’t really have the kind of psychics that can go to the scene of a crime and “sense” the name, address, and relative flight risk of the criminal, much of the Faerie tactics are similar to the Mundane. We still look for clues, question people, gather evidence, and hope for a confession. I must admit, though: in Faerie, a confession can morph into a Monologue, especially if the criminal in question thinks he has you by the claws. Why any time is a good time to confess your evil wrongdoings to an officer of the law is a mystery to me, but Faerie do love a cliché.
The difference, of course, is you have technology and we have magic. You want to know someone’s background, you do a check of credit records and Facebook posts. We use a discernment spell—and ask the neighbors. A Holy Mage can also tell the state of someone’s soul, which comes in handy. We have a spell that works better than your lie detector, and while we have the same interrogation techniques, we also have pukas, which are notorious for eliciting secrets from people they talk to. (Sometimes, finding someone who is easy to talk to isn’t always a blessing.)
The fun thing about the connection between our two worlds is that I can avail myself of both Mundane and Faerie methods. I love computer technology. It’s a great complement to magic, actually. When Grace can’t find the subject and casing their neighborhood doesn’t work, I can use my Google Fu and get a pretty good profile as long as they aren’t off the grid.
My partner, Sister Grace, is a high-powered Holy Mage with a great imagination. She adapted a spell to make me invisible after watching a documentary on stealth technology in your military. Even better, as a dragon, I can fly far more silently than any of your bombers…unless I’m in the mood to make airplane noises. I did try it once; it was kind of funny until the Air Force Academy caught me at it. I’ve been banned from their airspace. Worth it though! You should have seen the faces of the cadets in their gliders! Where’s that plane? Where’s that plane?
But that’s a different story. The moral of this story is, I’m good, I have the benefits of two dimensions’ worth of investigative techniques, and I am a dragon. Don’t mess with me. Don’t mess with my territory. Don’t put yourself in a situation where someone will hire me to come get you.
And if you do, just turn yourself in. It’ll be easier for both of us.
Thank you, Vern. That was awesome!
You can find Vern, Sister Grace, and Karina Fabian on tour all this month. Next stop is Wednesday, May 8, at Harlie William’s blog page.