Happy, happy, joy, joy

I had a bad weekend.  There.  I said it.  I’m not sure what happened, but I ended up falling apart Sunday night after a really bad episode of OCD.  My OCD is not severe, but it is enough to remind me that I have it.  I don’t compulsively turn the light switches on and off, or lock and relock the doors (though I will check behind others in my house to make sure we’re all safe).  I don’t wash my hands 10 times before I can do anything, although I am slightly germaphobic.  I do, however, have a few odd behaviors that fall in the category of OCD.

I have to be able to see my floor.  My room has a finite amount of space and I can’t handle clutter all over the floor.  Even on laundry day I will rearrange piles of laundry on the bed to keep them off the floor.  I’ve been known to start cleaning and end up rearranging furniture and everything else to get things just right.  button-cdo

My desk is a universe all its own.  Sometimes I can work at my desk and not worry about extra papers lying about.  Other times, I can’t even scroll my Facebook news feed until I clear my desk.  And it’s not just moving stuff off of it.  I have to clear it, dust it, and rearrange what stuff stays on it.

This weekend I was sewing, making a blouse to wear for a party.  I caught myself stopping in the middle of a seam to rearrange my pins.  I’ve never done that before.  It kind of scared me.  And as I engaged my sewing machine again I got to thinking.  I had felt very anti-social all weekend.  Several times I thought about texting a friend to come over but decided not to.  I didn’t want anyone around.  I felt like it would have thrown things out of whack somehow.  The weird thing is that other people’s clutter doesn’t usually bother me, only my own.

This morning was much better than last night.  I’m always telling people not to hate Mondays.  It’s the start of a new week, a new opportunity to do something worthwhile.  Today, Monday means I successfully fended off the demons of the weekend.

If you’re not sure if you have OCD (meaning it’s probably kind of mild if you do), you can try the screening quiz at psychcentral.com.   It’s not a diagnostic tool, but it does give a likelihood based on your score.  Scoring 12 or above means you likely have some type of obsessive compulsive disorder.  I scored 17.  Go figure.

Fighting technology

I have had an online presence in some fashion since 1998.  I even went through a Myspace phase.  Lately I’ve been fighting with my Twitter accounts.  I have a pseudonym for writing erotica.  I call her my evil twin.  The evil twin has all her own online presence, but the twitter accounts are crossing up somewhere.  I’ve killed every connection I can find and checked every thing three times.  I’m about ready to kill of my evil twin… 

Mirror, Mirror, on the wall…

Who do you see when you look in the mirror?  What do you say to that person when you see them?  Is it something positive or something negative?

Next time you stand in front of the mirror, pay attention to what your inner dialogue is.  They way we talk to ourselves is very important.  Negative self-talk lowers your self-esteem.  It can lead to a lot of bad things, stress eating, depression, destructive behavior, and generally just feeling like crap.

You also have to be honest with yourself when you look in the mirror.  Are you wearing a mask?  Do you show a mask to the world and then be someone else when you’re at home?

We all have a mask of some sort.  It is vital to our mental well-being not to forget who we really are.  You have to look behind the mask look at the real you.  Even with problems and issues in everyday life, we are all perfect in our own way.  You just have to be willing to look underneath and accept who you are.