Hi! I’m creating a new blog. I hope you all will follow me over at that blog. I’ll post links to it here for a while before I stop posting altogether on here. The new page is spellboundscribbler.wordpress.com and please feel free to share it. I just posted my first blog at spellboundscribbler. Come on over and take a look!
I’ve been gone way too long from here. Didn’t realize how long it had been since I wrote a new blog. I have helped open a new store, cut open my hand on a really big deli slicer, pulled out my own stitches. I have also been cleaning out my storage unit.
I have found things I forgot I owned. Some things are keepsakes from my family, items that remind me of relatives both loved and missed. Some things are reminders of things I would like to forget. I found my grandmother’s china, the family bibles, Dad’s novelty ties. I found the giant inflatable penguin with the Christmas decorations, my collection of lingerie, my wedding dress.
Standing in the heat and humidity in the middle of that room I cried, cussed, laughed hysterically. I asked questions to the air that I know I will never get answers to. While I’m not as far down the road to independence as I would like to be, I’m getting a lot closer. I’m letting go of baggage, trying to let go of emotions that are not useful, not healthy. I can’t carry it anymore. I’m trying to take flight, and it’s just a burden I don’t need to carry.
It’s taking a lot of effort to break the habit. It’s easy to cling to emotions that are familiar. New emotions are exciting, scary, addictive. But it takes time for connections to form. The old stuff is what I’m used to, even if it is bad for me. But I will keep trying, keep working on letting go of the negative and finding the positive. I will no longer hide in the shadows of who I used to be. I’m stepping out into the light.
How many things can you think of that you wanted to try and never did? Do you remember why you didn’t? I can think of several things I never tried. My mother was really good at making me feel like I would never accomplish anything. Being taught to fear failure makes it hard to achieve. Setting your own obstacles in your path makes it difficult, also. You can’t prevent yourself from achieving the little goals and expect to reach the big ones. You’re setting yourself up to fail. And you can’t let other people convince you that you’re not good enough to reach the little goals or the big ones.
The trick is finding the fire inside of you that makes you want to achieve regardless to how many people say you can’t do it. The desire to do something or find something or be with someone has to be so strong that you feel you will die if you don’t reach that goal.
You have to ask yourself, “Am I strong enough to take that next step?” Are you willing to take a risk and step outside of your comfort zone? Are you ready to set aside your fear to reach for your destiny? How do you know if you don’t ask yourself the question? How do you know if you don’t take that first step, take that small risk? Small ones lead to big ones. You have to start somewhere.
There are several things I would like to do right now. Are they impossible? Hell, No! Are they impractical at the present time? Yes, Damn it! That doesn’t change the fact that I’m afraid of falling on my face. Nor does it change the fact that I want to stand on my own without fear.
What it means is that I will save and plan and calculate and work my ass off until I can do those things. Anyone can tell me I won’t achieve my goals. I am the only one who will stop me from achieving them.
Somewhere in my future, fear will become obsolete. I will push the debris out of my way, and run defiantly in the face of my opposition. I won’t fear what will happen if I fly there and meet him. I will fly there and see what happens in person.