Hi! I’m creating a new blog. I hope you all will follow me over at that blog. I’ll post links to it here for a while before I stop posting altogether on here. The new page is spellboundscribbler.wordpress.com and please feel free to share it. I just posted my first blog at spellboundscribbler. Come on over and take a look!
I survived the move. More or less. I’m staying with friends for a bit while I find something I can live with for a long time to come. It works. I still haven’t stopped sneezing. Decided to go for full-blown bronchitis. But I’m heavily medicated so we should be right as rain soon. Now that the move is over (for now), I’m trying to get back into my writing. I made sure not to pack all my writing gear into the storage unit. I have been making notes on a new alien story. I don’t usually write aliens but I can’t get this idea out of my head. I’ve let it stew long enough that it’s about ready for a full outline and some serious writing. It’s funny and has a point and I am liking this idea a lot. Now I just need to stop coughing…
Fear of failure and fear of success are the same things. You could say they are two sides of the same coin. They have the same outcome when you don’t take control of them. That outcome is stagnation.
Fear of failure makes us shy away from doing things because we are afraid we won’t do a good job or won’t do the right job. It makes us avoid doing things we want and like to do. We become adept at avoiding situations that put us in a position to possibly fail. Possibly is the key word there. We might fail. We might not. The fear is the same either way. So we withdraw from the activities we love, the people we love, and we allow ourselves to become more reclusive out of fear of something that may not happen.
Fear of success works the same way. When you have never had successes with positive feedback, encouragement that shows you that it is a good thing to succeed, reaching that finish line is just as terrifying as not reaching it. The process repeats itself. We withdraw from our lives until we are so afraid of doing anything that we find ourselves sitting at home alone eating ice cream in our underwear wondering how in the hell we ended up like this.
The problem with these fears is that their origins are so far back in our development. What we see our parents do and how they encourage our tiny selves has an enormous impact on how we learn to fail or succeed. The problem is if we don’t get enough of the right type of encouragement and support we never learn how to conquer the fear. It will have a ripple effect on everything we do throughout our entire lives. Every job, relationships, friendships, social situations, even answering the phone, all of these things that most people take for granted are major hurdles when you are so full of fear.
The question then becomes how do we learn to conquer those fears? Recognizing that you have a fear of failure or success is the first step. Just like an addiction, you have to recognize and admit that you have a problem before you can work toward fixing it. Once you see this fear for what it is, evaluate where you are and how you got there. Are you doing what you really want to do? Are you happy doing what you’re doing or do you go to work every day wishing you were somewhere else? Are you happy with your relationships? How you feel about every aspect of your life is impacted by these fears and how you react to them.
Here is another key word for you: react. The way to conquer these fears is to stop reacting and start acting. Don’t hesitate. Don’t stop and think about what may happen. Make a decision to do something and do it. Stop worrying about if you can do something and start wondering what will happen after you do it. Will you be happy? Will you be better off emotionally, financially, socially? Will you get a step closer to the place you want to be? The other thing to do is surround yourself with people who will encourage you and still be brutally honest. Friends that tell you what you want to hear are not doing you any favors. They are enablers that will only help you stay in the stagnant pond of week-old sweat you’re already wallowing in. Talk to the friends who tend to piss you off when they tell you the truth. I would bet dollars to doughnuts they piss you off because you know they are right. Start talking to them and really listen. Don’t be afraid to tell them they were right and you need help getting to where you want to be. True friends will always be willing to help as long as you are willing to put in the work.
We each have the ability to take control of our lives, our emotions, our fears and live happy productive lives doing something that makes us happy to wake up and go to work every morning. We have the ability to choose whether or not we let the circumstances of our current situations continue to control us. We can choose to learn from our parents and decide for ourselves if those lessons are effective for our lives. We have the power to conquer our fears.
Something interesting happened to me this weekend. I was shopping for jeans. Not a big deal, I just didn’t want to pay half a paycheck for a pair. Found what I was looking for at a ladies plus size store. I’ve told ya before, I’m no Barbie. Lots of curves here.
The strange thing happened at checkout. I’ve shopped at this store before and hit the sales where you get a discount if you apply for a store credit card. For reasons I’ll get to in a minute, I’ve been turned down. This was one of those sale weekends so I figured, What the hell, it’s been long enough since the last time. So the clerk ran my information through the computer. Holy Schiznit! I got approved!
Let me say now that I have never had an actual credit card. Strange, you say?….. Consider this: I was never taught a work ethic except for doing my homework as soon as I got home from school. Mom worked sporadically until she got too sick. Dad changed jobs a lot, always trying to find a way to make his love of radio profitable but to no avail. So I didn’t have a lot of good examples.
I have had several jobs in my 40 years. The coolest is probably working as an educator at Ripley’s Aquarium in Myrtle Beach, SC. Aggravating at times, but I got to pet stingrays and sharks on a daily basis. I was in heaven.
I have to say that I see younger friends, sometimes children of my own high school pals, forging out into the world without a stinking clue how to sustain themselves without help. Goddess knows I didn’t know how before I got married. My ex didn’t know any better than I did. When the marriage ended and I moved in with my aunt, she made sure to fill in the gaps in my education.
Let me give you some guidelines to lead you to financial stability at any age. Feel free to pass these on to anyone who needs to know. Yeah, that’s pretty much everyone on the planet.
Rule #1: Find something that you love to do, can do everyday without burning out too fast, and find a way to make money at it. You have to have income first of all.
Rule #2: Learn to live on a budget. This means you keep a list of all your bills that have to be paid and how much and when they’re due each month. If you don’t know how much your power bill is you probably shouldn’t buy concert tickets.
Rule #3: ALWAYS pay your bills first. Plan for them. If your phone is due on the 9th and you don’t get paid until the 10th, then you better have money from the paycheck before the 9th to cover it. It’s paramount to maintaining good credit to get your bills paid on time. If you can pay something ahead that’s even better.
Rule #4: Save your money. Not just for a rainy day, either. If you are the only source of income for your house, how will your bills be paid if you’re out of work for whatever reason for a month? Or two months? You need to build up enough savings to cover at least 6 months worth of bills, not extra stuff, just bills. I actually saw a bank ad that suggested taking 10% of your disposable income, that’s after you pay all your bills, and put that into savings. It may seem like a huge amount if you don’t make a lot, or it could seem like it’s not much. Either way you need to save that money.
Rule #5: Schiznit happens! This is that rainy day. A chipped windshield may cost $200 bucks to replace. If your deductible is set at $500 that means you have to pay for a new windshield out of pocket. Them’s the breaks, Chickadee. Stuff happens and we have to keep moving. Lying down and waiting for someone to come along and fix it for us is not how the world works.
Granted, I’m no financial adviser. I’m just a round white woman who got tired of being broke. I’m rebuilding my credit slowly but surely. I’m still tickled pink to get that department store charge card. You gotta start somewhere. If you don’t know where to start you won’t get where you want to be.