Hi! I’m creating a new blog. I hope you all will follow me over at that blog. I’ll post links to it here for a while before I stop posting altogether on here. The new page is spellboundscribbler.wordpress.com and please feel free to share it. I just posted my first blog at spellboundscribbler. Come on over and take a look!
I am pleased to introduce today the only practicing dragon private investigator in the United States. Vern, Dragon P.I. is here to discuss forensics in both our mundane world and the Faerie world. Vern works with his partner, Sister Grace in Karina Fabian’s magical universe. Vern’s investigative skills are currently being tested in Greater Treasures, now available for Kindle and on Amazon.
By Vern the Dragon PI
I’m Vern, I’m a dragon, and I work as a private investigator in your world. Yes, a for-real dragon, no animatronics involved, and please don’t ask if I eat virgins or blame me for your missing cat. Becca asked that I discus the difference between investigations in the Faerie Realm and here in the Mundane. (Don’t complain to me about the names for the two dimensions. I didn’t make them up.)
The fact of the matter is, since we don’t really have the kind of psychics that can go to the scene of a crime and “sense” the name, address, and relative flight risk of the criminal, much of the Faerie tactics are similar to the Mundane. We still look for clues, question people, gather evidence, and hope for a confession. I must admit, though: in Faerie, a confession can morph into a Monologue, especially if the criminal in question thinks he has you by the claws. Why any time is a good time to confess your evil wrongdoings to an officer of the law is a mystery to me, but Faerie do love a cliché.
The difference, of course, is you have technology and we have magic. You want to know someone’s background, you do a check of credit records and Facebook posts. We use a discernment spell—and ask the neighbors. A Holy Mage can also tell the state of someone’s soul, which comes in handy. We have a spell that works better than your lie detector, and while we have the same interrogation techniques, we also have pukas, which are notorious for eliciting secrets from people they talk to. (Sometimes, finding someone who is easy to talk to isn’t always a blessing.)
The fun thing about the connection between our two worlds is that I can avail myself of both Mundane and Faerie methods. I love computer technology. It’s a great complement to magic, actually. When Grace can’t find the subject and casing their neighborhood doesn’t work, I can use my Google Fu and get a pretty good profile as long as they aren’t off the grid.
My partner, Sister Grace, is a high-powered Holy Mage with a great imagination. She adapted a spell to make me invisible after watching a documentary on stealth technology in your military. Even better, as a dragon, I can fly far more silently than any of your bombers…unless I’m in the mood to make airplane noises. I did try it once; it was kind of funny until the Air Force Academy caught me at it. I’ve been banned from their airspace. Worth it though! You should have seen the faces of the cadets in their gliders! Where’s that plane? Where’s that plane?
But that’s a different story. The moral of this story is, I’m good, I have the benefits of two dimensions’ worth of investigative techniques, and I am a dragon. Don’t mess with me. Don’t mess with my territory. Don’t put yourself in a situation where someone will hire me to come get you.
And if you do, just turn yourself in. It’ll be easier for both of us.
Thank you, Vern. That was awesome!
You can find Vern, Sister Grace, and Karina Fabian on tour all this month. Next stop is Wednesday, May 8, at Harlie William’s blog page.
I think the Dancing Bunnies of Distraction are finally gone. I have something really special coming up. On Tuesday May 7, I will have a guest blog from the irascible and entertaining Vern, Dragon P.I. from Karina Fabian’s DragonEye P.I. series.
Yes, he’s a real fire-breathing dragon and a private investigator. He will be here to discuss forensic techniques of both the mundane and faerie worlds. Remember that will be on Tuesday May 7. Armor optional.
Depending on who I say that to I will get a wide range of responses. It varies based on the relationship I have with each person I ask. Oh, dear. I said the R word. Don’t freak out on me. Keep reading.
Let me start by showing you several types of relationships:
parent – child
child – parent
spouse – spouse
friend – friend
lover – lover
neighbor – neighbor
boss – employee
coach – athlete
nurse – patient
customer – cashier/server/hairdresser/mechanic/tailor….
The list could go on but I have more to say. 😉
No two people are the same. Even twins have at least one variation from each other in some way. So why would you expect your relationships to all be the same? Every relationship is unique to the two people involved in it.
There are patterns and themes that repeat. Seeing those patterns is not always easy. When you think to yourself “why does this keep happening” you need to keep one important thing in mind. The one thing all of your relationships have in common…….. is You.
This doesn’t mean that something is wrong with you. It means you are human and tend to repeat patterns you are accustomed to. When you repeat the same behaviors you get the same patterns. Naturally, that leads me to this: if you want to see different patterns, change your behavior. Even changing one thing in one relationship can make a difference.
Each of our actions is like a ripple on a pond. One change here, will lead to another change there. But here’s the thing to remember: the changes happen within us. When we look at something differently, we react to it differently. In turn the people around us react to us differently.
There’s a writer on my Facebook page who is always bitching about Mondays. It’s to the point I don’t read anything she posts on a Sunday. I’ve tried to show her that Mondays are only as bad as you let them be. She already knows she has to get up and go to work. Nothing new. So why be so uptight about it? I like Mondays. The beginning of each week is another chance to have a great week. If she would change her behavior she might actually have a good day on a Monday. Imagine that.
Even if you think you don’t have a “Relationship” with someone, you do. If you’ve spoken more than once and gotten past “Hello, how are you?” then you have a relationship even if it’s only a casual acquaintance. That doesn’t mean your favorite guy-friend will turn into dating material. It doesn’t mean the girl you speak to at the grocery store will turn out to be as bitchy as your ex-wife.
We talk to people everyday that will be part of our lives in some way. Don’t be afraid of the R word. It’s only as bad as you let it be. Now, tell me something good….
I’m tickled fuscia to have Neeta Lyffe on the blog today. As you know she is
the nation’s leading expert on zombie extermination. Our readers have sent in their must-know questions and we have the top nine questions for Neeta right now.
BB: How did you like the convention in San Francisco?
NL: I would have enjoyed it a lot better if the zombies hadn’t picked that weekend to invade the Bay Area, that’s for certain. However, the lecture on finding a cure for zombie-ism was fascinating and useful, and of course, the expo floor was top-notch, as usual. I ended up spending a little more than I anticipated, but I’m very glad for the new monofilament swords and the helmets.
BB: Are the zombies any different in San Francisco?
NL: These ones certainly were, in that most came from the GiveBack Memorial Gardens and Fish Preserve, so they were waterlogged, partly eaten (or inhabited) by sea life, and many had weights implanted in their posteriors. They were probably the grossest undead I’ve ever encountered, and I had had over 40 rekills to my name at that time.
BB: What’s your favorite weapon?
NL: Well, it used to be the chainsaw, but I’m becoming very fond of the monofilament sword. They’re don’t splatter as much and are easier to handle.
BB: Are the rumors of a romance with Ted true?
NL: We’re engaged, but we haven’t set the date yet.
BB: How do you balance exterminating zombies and romance?
NL: Ted makes it easy. He knows how to find joy in the most stressful or disgusting aspects of the work. Not to mention, he thinks I’m hot when I’m dressed in a rubber HazMat suit and wielding a bloody chainsaw. How many women can say that about their fiancés?
BB: Is it possible to have a relationship with a zombie?
NL: Of course not. Zombies are simply dead flesh that has been reanimated by some process we don’t understand yet. They may walk, eat, and retain certain habits, but there is no sentience, no intelligence, and no soul.
BB: What’s in store for us on the next season of Zombie Death Extreme? Any spoilers?
NL: It’s taking place in Jamaica this year, so I don’t have any connection to it. I’m glad about that, frankly; one season was enough for me.
BB: Who has been your favorite contestant so far?
NL: From ZDE-Bayou, you mean? Juliet Montigue has a level head and a lot of drive. She may not have been as intelligent as some of the other candidates, but she has common sense and was willing to work to make up for her deficiencies. Even though she didn’t win, I hear she’s doing very well for herself in Minnesota as an exterminator.
BB: Anything else you’d like to tell our readers?
NL: Despite what you see on TV or read about re-killing zombies, it is extremely dangerous. Even if you avoid being bitten, zombie-ism is spread by bodily fluids, so you can become just as infected by splatter. Remember—Distract, Run, and call 9-1-1. You can learn more about my extermination business and about the show Zombie Death Extreme at http://zombiedeathextreme.com
There you have it, Folks. Remember to call an expert when zombies attack. Call Neeta Lyffe.
This month has flown by. I’ve had several writing-related events, finished editing a short story to send out, helped my in-person writing group plan for NaNoWriMo, not to mention all the sewing, crocheting, and hat-making I’ve been doing. But the month is not over just yet…
Have you taken time to follow Karina Fabian’s blog tour? Check here to find out about her new book, Neeta Lyffe 2: I Left My Brains In San Francisco. I will be interviewing Neeta Lyffe here on October 30.
Went outside today around noon and it was only 57 degrees. One of the things I love about October. The air gets cooler, crisper. The trees start to turn colors. I turn another year older.
There is also the Muse Online Writer’s Conference which runs the second week of October. Always free and always fun and challenging. I’ve picked out a few workshops to follow that will help with my in-person writing group as well as a couple just for me. Should make for an interesting week.
Also this month, Karina Fabian is touring a blog near you with her newest release from Damnation Books, Neeta Lyffe 2: I Left My Brains In San Francisco. I’ll be hosting Karina’s star, Neeta Lyffe, later on this month. Get the full tour schedule here. Karina is also looking for a Zombie Idol to sing the theme song. Details on the singing contest at Karina’s blogspot.
November is fast approaching. That means NaNoWriMo! I’ve got a list of prep topics for my local group, Hickory Writer’s Society. We will have a blast this month trying to make word count. I still don’t know what I’m writing this year but I can’t wait to get started.
I’ve always liked fall. I hope this one continues to be as fun as it has started out. See you soon!