Tag Archives: parents

May I Have Your Attention…

Hi! I’m creating a new blog. I hope you all will follow me over at that blog. I’ll post links to it here for a while before I stop posting altogether on here. The new page is spellboundscribbler.wordpress.com and please feel free to share it. I just posted my first blog at spellboundscribbler. Come on over and take a look!

Are You Chewy?

What is your consistency?  Dry sense of humor, raw and blunt, crisp like a fresh carrot, or stringy like celery, tough like a leathery piece of steak?  The possibilities with this metaphor are only limited by your vocabulary. 

I like to think of myself as kinda saucy, a little sugar, a little spice, with a consistent flavor that’s all my own.  I’m the same online as I am in person.  Sassy and a flirt, a quick sense of humor that runs to the naughty side.  Honesty adds to my consistency, though it sometimes can be overwhelming if you’re not used to it.

Behaviors can be consistent, even a habit, but not all of them are tasty.  Keeping secrets can be bad for the digestion, causing a reflux of bad karma.  Holding stuff in makes you sick if you don’t deal with it openly and honestly.  You have to remember to take out the trash before it overtakes you.

Lately I’ve been struggling with consistent behaviors of my own.  I’m getting to the gym, just not as often as I’d like.  It takes at least 30 days to build a good habit and sustain it.  That’s not a diet.  That’s a lifestyle change, consistent and long-lasting.  You have to trust yourself, know deep down that you are capable of maintaining that change.

There’s a lot to be said for trying new flavors, expanding your culinary bubble.  And we all have different tastes.  But the underlying tone should remain consistent.  Be true to yourself, love yourself, know when to forgive yourself.  It makes the bitter parts of life easier to swallow.  Then the good stuff, the juicy sweet center, will be easy as pie.

 

Shades of Gray

I’ve been playing around with a few new story ideas.  A writer pal of mine is taking submissions for a new anthology and I’m considering submitting a story but I haven’t written in that genre before.  He’s a horror writer and the anthology is about monsters.  I’m not unfamiliar with monsters.  But I have a dilemma of sorts.

To date, I don’t do scary, gory, or horror.  I’m not sure I have a dark side that’s dark enough to tap into.  I’ve never been one to be intentionally cruel or vindictive and I tend to stay away from people who are.  My path of self-discovery has most definitely brought me further into the light.  So I’m now having to ask myself:  where is my negative, my darkness?

Can I look into the shadows and find a monster I can look at and not run away from?  Is there a monster in my mirror?  Do I look outside myself for that monster?  If so how do I look into the abyss and not get pulled in?  How do I keep myself grounded in the light and draw the monsters out of the darkness?

I have a pretty active imagination.  If you’ve ever read my other blog, the one my “evil twin” writes, you know I tend to lean toward the erotic more than the darkness.  I don’t have a problem creating bad guys in my stories.  The problem lies in making them bad enough, evil enough, dark enough.  How do I find that darkness?  Perhaps I’ll follow the trail of cookies…

Soundtracks

Do you have a theme song?  Not just a favorite, we all have favorites.  Hell, I probably have a couple dozen songs I could claim as a favorite.  Depends on the genre and band.  I mean a theme song.  Something that speaks to your true nature, tells people “this is me.”  It has to say something about who you are.

Now there is the tricky part.  Do you really know who you are?  Honestly, brutally honest in your face warts and all, do you know who you are?  What about the stage of life you’re at right now?  That will affect the song, too.  Anything that speaks to your emotions will change the music.

We all have a soundtrack for life.  There are many songs on that playlist.  They change as often as we change moods.  But there is usually a theme that runs through them that defines us.  When you find the one song that sums up that theme, you have found your theme song.  If you’ve seen the pics of my tattoos you know I have a name inked at the base of my neck.  It sums up an attitude that I discovered the more I learned about myself after my marriage ended.  The stronger I get, the more that name fits me.  The attitude fits me.  It’s all sass and balls and sarcasm and it is so totally me.  I am one Foxy Bitch.

The song that sums it up is not so much about the lyrics as it is the feel of the song.  Don’t get me wrong, lyrics are important.  There’s a line out of this song that asks: What’s it gonna be?  That’s pretty much what I ask every time I look in my mirror.  What’s next?  What direction are you going in?  What will this decision mean?  I like asking those questions.  When I have to stop and think about the answers it means I am growing, I am learning something new about myself and my own motivations.  I find that very sexy, to know myself.  Everything is richer, tastes stronger, sounds louder when you know what drives it.  For now my song is about finding direction and adventure.  I’m curious what it will be when I finally find what I’m looking for.

Romancing the Word

It’s November.  That means many of us have lost all good sense and are attempting NaNoWriMo’s writing challenge.  In case you don’t know, it’s a personal challenge to write 50,oo0 words of a novel in 30 days.  It’s not impossible but it’s not easy.

Writing is like a relationship.  You have to work at it.  There has to be clear communication.  Conflict will happen and hopefully make your characters stronger when they survive it.  Sometimes you have to hurt people regardless to how much you love them.  Even the best characters need some type of torture now and then.  And yes, sometimes, you end up killing them off.  (This can be very therapeutic if you write your Ex into your story!)

NaNoWriMo is an abbreviated, accelerated version of the writing process.  You can plan ahead before November but no actual writing until 12:00 am on November 1.  Those who have attempted this before understand the tension, the stress of trying to get words on the page.

Think of it kinda like sex.  There is no time for romance or foreplay.  No flirting, no casual touches as you pass each other in the hallway.  It’s all about the passion.  When November 1 arrives it’s as if you look at your lover and suddenly have to have every inch of flesh right that very moment.  Hopefully you grab that person and devour each other with such intensity afterward you wonder… what just happened and why is my bra on the lampshade?

NaNo is not for the faint of heart.  If you only want to play nice you might as well just make some hot tea and relax until the fireworks are over.  NaNo is for writers with passion for the words on the page.  And sometimes we like it rough…

 

Role Models

We all learn from what we see, especially as children.  Even before we are old enough to realize how our parents relate to each other we are learning relationship skills from them.  The question you have to ask yourself is how good a role model were they.

My father was the oldest of six, always friendly, sometimes a little shy, very loyal and always open for a good conversation.  My mother was the exact opposite.  She was hard to get close to, very controlling and what most people would probably label as a user.  She evaluated every situation, every person to see what was in it for her.  Their relationship was turbulent to say the least.

I’m a lot like my father.  I let Mom steamroll right over me the same way Dad did.  We both stifled our creativity and our dreams in hopes of keeping her happy.  The old saying is true: when Momma isn’t happy, nobody is happy.  Mom wasn’t happy unless she felt like she had achieved something nobody else had, or knew something no one else knew.

I realize now I married to get away from Momma.  But the relationship I ran to was no more functional than the relationship I was running from.  My ex-husband grew up with role models just as screwed up as I did.  His father was a Marine until he became ill.  I don’t think his mother was ever quite right mentally.  She certainly wasn’t when I knew her.

Frank was a lot like Momma in some respects.  He was always looking at angles to see how something would benefit him.  Whatever he said was law, he always had final say on any decisions for ‘Us’.  He tried to live up to the ideals of his father, loyal to God, country, Corp and lastly family.  But he had too much of his mother in him.  She was the type of conniving woman my mother aspired to be.

Neither of us knew how to have a relationship that was functional because we had never seen one.  It’s surprising that we stayed together as long as we did.  There were good times, probably as many good as there were bad.  But Frank never thought there was anything wrong with the way he did things.  He was unwilling to consider the possibility that he had no clue who he was.  He didn’t know himself.

Real life is nothing like Leave It To Beaver.  My childhood was closer to Roseanne.  Relationships take work.  We have to study more than one relationship to learn how they work.  All the self-help articles in the world won’t teach you anything if you don’t study them all.   You have to study, communicate honestly with yourself and your significant other, be willing to admit mistakes and learn to recognize signs that you’re repeating them.

It’s not easy, but nothing worth having is ever easy.  Know yourself to free yourself.  That’s the true path to happiness….

 

More than you see…

I recently shared a photo/sign on my facebook page that reads:  I am aware that I am less than some people prefer me to be but most people are unaware that I am so much more than what they see.  This is true for several reasons, one of them being that most people don’t look closely enough. Another reason is that people expect to find a perfect match every time.

It is humanly impossible to be everything to any one individual.  If you’re looking for someone to be your everything, good luck!  But it ain’t happening.   No one person is perfect.  And even people who spend years together can still surprise each other because you never really know everything about them.  So how do you know if they are everything you need at this moment?

You have to look beyond the surface.  Ask questions that require more than a one-word answer.  And when you start getting answers, take notes! I know way too many people to keep up with every little detail.  I take notes.  So that conversation 3 months ago when you admitted you sing the Barney theme song in the shower… yeah, I got that. =)

Getting to know people is a never-ending process.  It requires good communication skills, patience, and practice.  So take some time and ask a few questions.  Remember to be willing to answer them yourself.  You never know who someone is when you’re not looking…