Tag Archives: reminders

May I Have Your Attention…

Hi! I’m creating a new blog. I hope you all will follow me over at that blog. I’ll post links to it here for a while before I stop posting altogether on here. The new page is spellboundscribbler.wordpress.com and please feel free to share it. I just posted my first blog at spellboundscribbler. Come on over and take a look!

Technical Foul

Thursday, August 20, 2009 

Techinical Foul

I’m calling a Technical on a blog written by a friend of mine.  He was talking about signs, the signals men and women send out.  He made some very valid points about the games women play.  But guys do the same thing.  

Women have just as much trouble reading signals from men.  You almost need a degree in reading body language to have a conversation with a man.  And why is it a man and woman can talk online and text on every subject under the sun, and I mean EVERYTHING, but when you’re sitting on the couch next to each other nobody knows how to act? 

Is he gonna kiss me?  Should I kiss him?  Why doesn’t he make a move?  What would he do if I made a move?  Guys should come with instruction books. 

I have a friend I play poker with.  He’s shown signs of interest for some time now, always wanting a hug when I see him and getting touchy-feely when I hug him (especially when he’s had a couple beers), touching me in some small way everytime I’m within arms reach.  Recently he was getting quite touchy, without any liquid courage, and we ended up trading text messages for the rest of the evening while we played cards.  The next week, not one word out of him. 

I’ll let you guys in on a little secret….  it’s just as confusing for women as it is men.  Men are supposedly simple creatures you just need to feed, keep warm, and play with on ocassion to make them happy.  Bull Shit!  Men are more complicated than women.  It’s not easy to figure out the thinking of a creature with two heads, even if the one head is really predictable. 

I’m facing the daunting task of dating again.  It’s been 15 years since I thought about dating.  I’m not sure I remember the rules. 

If you’re interested, how about just saying so?  Or even better, when I walk into the room, pull me into your arms and say hello with a kiss.  Now there’s a sign……

Simplicity

I have a new favorite song with this lyric: S is for the simple need. Is there anything simpler than need?

I need air to breathe. It is an involuntary action, automatic. Yes, you can control it. Ever tried meditating, or serious physical training? Breath control during those activities helps you achieve results.

I need shelter, too. I do know how to come in out of the rain so I don’t catch cold. But I also know that sometimes you need to run through a puddle and dance to the drumming of rain and thunder. I need food and water. My body will tell me if I’ve gone too long without eating or drinking anything. Its way of reminding me there’s more to life than work.

I need contact with other people. Conversation for starters. I can’t write about people without some examples to draw from. And I like a good conversation. Contact is more than just eavesdropping on people in the mall or grocery store. It’s the innocent touch of someone’s hand on my shoulder, a kiss on the cheek from a child, a hug from a friend, a lover’s caress on my back. Physical touch is as important as an emotional connection. It reminds us that we are living, breathing, feeling creatures.

If you go too long without one of these needs your body lets you know. One way or another we will have to find what we need. That’s the part that isn’t so simple…..

Sentimental Journey

I’ve been gone way too long from here. Didn’t realize how long it had been since I wrote a new blog. I have helped open a new store, cut open my hand on a really big deli slicer, pulled out my own stitches. I have also been cleaning out my storage unit.

I have found things I forgot I owned. Some things are keepsakes from my family, items that remind me of relatives both loved and missed. Some things are reminders of things I would like to forget. I found my grandmother’s china, the family bibles, Dad’s novelty ties. I found the giant inflatable penguin with the Christmas decorations, my collection of lingerie, my wedding dress.

Standing in the heat and humidity in the middle of that room I cried, cussed, laughed hysterically. I asked questions to the air that I know I will never get answers to. While I’m not as far down the road to independence as I would like to be, I’m getting a lot closer. I’m letting go of baggage, trying to let go of emotions that are not useful, not healthy. I can’t carry it anymore. I’m trying to take flight, and it’s just a burden I don’t need to carry.

It’s taking a lot of effort to break the habit. It’s easy to cling to emotions that are familiar. New emotions are exciting, scary, addictive. But it takes time for connections to form. The old stuff is what I’m used to, even if it is bad for me. But I will keep trying, keep working on letting go of the negative and finding the positive. I will no longer hide in the shadows of who I used to be. I’m stepping out into the light.

Missed Opportunities

How many things can you think of that you wanted to try and never did? Do you remember why you didn’t? I can think of several things I never tried. My mother was really good at making me feel like I would never accomplish anything. Being taught to fear failure makes it hard to achieve. Setting your own obstacles in your path makes it difficult, also. You can’t prevent yourself from achieving the little goals and expect to reach the big ones. You’re setting yourself up to fail. And you can’t let other people convince you that you’re not good enough to reach the little goals or the big ones.

The trick is finding the fire inside of you that makes you want to achieve regardless to how many people say you can’t do it. The desire to do something or find something or be with someone has to be so strong that you feel you will die if you don’t reach that goal.

You have to ask yourself, “Am I strong enough to take that next step?” Are you willing to take a risk and step outside of your comfort zone? Are you ready to set aside your fear to reach for your destiny? How do you know if you don’t ask yourself the question? How do you know if you don’t take that first step, take that small risk? Small ones lead to big ones. You have to start somewhere.

There are several things I would like to do right now. Are they impossible? Hell, No! Are they impractical at the present time? Yes, Damn it! That doesn’t change the fact that I’m afraid of falling on my face. Nor does it change the fact that I want to stand on my own without fear.

What it means is that I will save and plan and calculate and work my ass off until I can do those things. Anyone can tell me I won’t achieve my goals. I am the only one who will stop me from achieving them.

Somewhere in my future, fear will become obsolete. I will push the debris out of my way, and run defiantly in the face of my opposition. I won’t fear what will happen if I fly there and meet him. I will fly there and see what happens in person.

Two Tests of Strength

Since I survived flying to Arizona and back I have felt this strange need to prove myself. I want to test my own strength, emotionally and mentally. I am sitting in a hotel room in a town I walked away from when my marriage ended. Rumor has it the Ex is still working here. I found myself telling a friend today that I hope I run into him, figuratively. I have been back here since the break-up. It feels different this time. I’m not the same person. I was still deeply mourning the end of my marriage the last time I was here. Now I see the real me in this place where my life changed forever. I still have a wound from that change. But I’m getting stronger, healthier, happier. I know now that I won’t fall apart if I see him. I’m not going to be petty and juvenile and flip him the bird. I might gloat a bit that the 2-store operation he walked away from has now grown to 8 stores. I guess he just wasn’t strong enough to stick with it.

Personal strength is something to think about. I’m not talking about physical force or stamina. I’m talking about strength of conviction, faith, being able to recognize what you need and how to get it regardless to how hard it may be. The Ex wasn’t strong enough. He had no faith in his own abilities. He put on a good show, and believe me he could sell the show. He could sell ice to an Eskimo and make him think he needed it. But he couldn’t sell the show to himself because he knew it was a lie. He wasn’t strong enough to look in the mirror. Now I can see that. I wasn’t ready to see it then. I wasn’t strong enough to face that reality. Until now.

I’m looking for someone who has some strength. Are you strong enough to look in the mirror? Can you see the options before you and make that decision to follow your heart? Where is the man who is strong enough to take on a woman who is not only looking in her mirror, but talking back to it? Are you strong enough to be my man?