Hi! I’m creating a new blog. I hope you all will follow me over at that blog. I’ll post links to it here for a while before I stop posting altogether on here. The new page is spellboundscribbler.wordpress.com and please feel free to share it. I just posted my first blog at spellboundscribbler. Come on over and take a look!
I’ve been in my new house for about three weeks now. I’m not as jumpy as I was when I first moved in. This is the first time I’ve ever lived alone. The noises of the house took some getting used to. The air conditioning kicking on, the ice maker, the dehumidifier, wind, rain on the tin carport roof, bugs buzzing around the high windows in my bedroom at night. Now, I can take a shower any time of day and not have flashbacks from Hitchcock’s Psycho.
I’m still leaving some night lights on but I’m comfortable in my house. My home. It’s the first time I’ve felt I truly had a home I could call my own. I have my stuff all around me, throughout the house. Not just a room. And I don’t have to have company unless I just want it. Some days I do. Some not so much. I’m working twelve hour days when I work so those days I’m content to just come home and not do anything. I don’t have to go anywhere or talk to anyone. Besides I have my cell phone to text and Facebook with anyone who feels talkative. I think I’m going to like having my own home.
Despite the many times I’ve checked the calendar this week, it dawned on me tonight that this week marks two years since the demise of my marriage. Am I reminiscing? Missing the ex? Oh but Hell no!
What I am doing is evaluating where I am today versus then. I still want to change some things. I still have a very low tolerance for bullshit and people who can’t screw up the courage to fix their own issues. I still need to meditate more and practice self-control and patience. But overall, I am truly happier now than I have ever been in my entire life.
I’m making progress. One big difference from two years ago is that I recognize the changes as they happen. It’s pretty cool. I’m expanding my tastes in music and food. While I still don’t like eating alone, it doesn’t depress me like it used to. Instead of waging war on my body, we have a truce and agree to compromise. I’m no longer afraid of what other people think. I’m not nervous about being seen naked anymore. Good thing since I have a new lover. I have perseverance, drive, goals. I can defend myself, question myself, supply all the things I need myself.
I’m still learning to live out loud, but I gain ground everyday. I’ve accomplished things I once thought impossible. Now my focus is on finding the things I want: my new lover, my next royalty check, the next set of stories I want to write, rekindling my love for my day job . It will be interesting to see where I am two years from now….